The Hottest Night I've Ever Spent
I'm sorry to disappoint you if you came to this entry looking for porn. This is a mostly kid friendly site and you should be ashamed of your little self. By "the hottest night I've ever spent", I am referring to the all night long agonizingly ridiculous hot flashes that I have just endured. "What? How," you say, "can she be having hot flashes...she being so youthful - still in her 30s and all???" (well, technically I can only say that for 3 more months, but still...)
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you how. Because a horrible, evil minion of Satan named MY OB/GYN gave me a shot in the rear that caused my brain to think we (we, being me, myself and I, thank you very much) didn't need to produce estrogen anymore....why? Because my body, left to its own devices, is apparently VERY WOMANLY and pumps out the estrogen like a Texas oil drill - which in turn causes Endometriosis - which despite sounding like a stage that a baby chick goes through, is actually a very painful VERY UNDESIRABLE thing, that's why.
SO - now I have to endure these things called hot flashes, every night, all night long. And all I can say is that clearly a MAN made up the name for this agony.
Yes they are "HOT", that is true. The heat is of the variety and temperature of SIZZLING ORANGE LIQUID MAGMA.
So hot, in fact, that if someone were of the mind to, they could surround me with a glass dome in my sleep and proceed to make a killing in the hothouse tomato market. Or rent me out for parties and corporate events to help get the colorful hot air balloons off the ground - though the fact that I will be completely nude because clothes may NOT touch the skin in this condition, may present a problem.
Or contract me out to terrorist groups who would threaten to use me to speed up the whole global warming process in an effort to frighten liberals everywhere. So yeah, "hot" is an accurate descriptor, albeit a tad understated. I prefer "fiery", "radioactive", "scorching", "searing", "roasting", or "blistering" or "what it feels like to be sitting on the freakin' sun" to be honest.
So, hot, yes. But "FLASH"? A flash? Let us pause, here, to break that word down, shall we?
Flash (noun) : a brief second. an instant.
I wonder if said maker-upper-of-name-MAN, had to endure an entire sleepless night of being dipped in and out of the fiery depths of the lake of fire in hell itself, if he would then refer to it as a "flash".
While, I've got my dictionary out, let me look up "ASSHOLE". (oops, sorry kids) Oh yes, here it is - a picture of the man who came up with the name "hot flash".
In honor of my atomic episodes, here is a delicious recipe (despite the name) for:
ATOMIC BUFFALO TURDS
10 large fresh jalapeno peppers
1 block cream cheese, softened at room temperature (add a sprinkling of cayenne for more atomic)
3/4 pound pulled pork, little smokie sausages or brisket
10 slices bacon, cut in half
Barbecue Rub to taste
PREPARATION: Cut off stems of the peppers and then slice in half lengthwise. Remove the seeds and veins (if you like more heat, leave the veins). Fill each half pepper with cream cheese. Heap with smidgen of pulled pork, wrap the entire pepper with half strip of bacon and secure with a toothpick. Liberally sprinkle with Barbecue Rub.
These can be cooked a number of ways. For a conventional oven, cook at 200 degrees (or 225 degrees maximum) for 1 1/2 to 2 hours or until the bacon is crisp and jalapeno pepper soft. Or, smoke at 200 to 225 degrees for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Or, grill at lowest indirect temperature possible for 1 to 1 1/2 hours.
Makes 20 ABTs.
1 block cream cheese, softened at room temperature (add a sprinkling of cayenne for more atomic)
3/4 pound pulled pork, little smokie sausages or brisket
10 slices bacon, cut in half
Barbecue Rub to taste
PREPARATION: Cut off stems of the peppers and then slice in half lengthwise. Remove the seeds and veins (if you like more heat, leave the veins). Fill each half pepper with cream cheese. Heap with smidgen of pulled pork, wrap the entire pepper with half strip of bacon and secure with a toothpick. Liberally sprinkle with Barbecue Rub.
These can be cooked a number of ways. For a conventional oven, cook at 200 degrees (or 225 degrees maximum) for 1 1/2 to 2 hours or until the bacon is crisp and jalapeno pepper soft. Or, smoke at 200 to 225 degrees for 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Or, grill at lowest indirect temperature possible for 1 to 1 1/2 hours.
Makes 20 ABTs.
How is this possible. just when I read your latest blog and get my nerve up to comment that it's the funniest one yet....You post another. Now I'm addicted and get sad if there isn't one each day. Love you and your wit. Eva
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