Like today.  I was minding my own business and taking a walk with my youngest son, who was riding his bike alongside.  It was great.  We'd ride for a few hundred feet and then he'd swerve into oncoming traffic and then I would freak on him and then he would cry and oh, yes, every other stop sign or so he would just collapse into a heap on the ground, and proceed to yell at me because it was MY FAULT that he fell, because his seat hasn't been adjusted recently, etc.  Are you getting the happy picture I'm painting here?

Well, after a time, we are in a groove and actually enjoying the walk/ride when all of a sudden we spy with our tiny eyes, the cutest white Labrador Retriever EVER in the history of the world.  She's just lying on her well manicured lawn with her head on her paws looking all cute and sweet.  Of course, we just HAVE to go say hello.  Turns out she really likes us.  She likes our dog, Tilly too!  We are like long lost cousins or something.  But soon, we have to end the family reunion and head on home.  We say goodbye.  She wags goodbye.  We continue home a few blocks and then notice that the dog is following us.  This is where my dog whisperer senses seem to take leave of me though, because I can't sense if she is one of those dogs that is allowed to wander and will find her way home, or not.  And, I really don't know her all that well, so I am a little uptight about just grabbing her collar and marching her home.  I mean some dogs, don't take kindly to being handled that way, and I sure as heck am not going to risk getting bit.  So, I take the path of least resistance and allow her to keep following us; all the while making sure she crosses all of the streets safely and doesn't run out into the road.  I do, however, take the time to look at her nametag so I will know how to address her.  Her name is "Cracker".

I'm pretty sure that has something to do with how white she is.  This may not be a PC name, but I find it endearing. Maybe precisely because I could give a RIP about being PC.  Anyway, I decide I will just get her to our house and call the owners, which we do upon our arrival home.  Nobody answers the phone, so I leave a message, while simultaneously trying to keep our cat from freaking out about this new unwanted dog in her backyard.  

We play with Cracker while we wait.  She is a good, good girl.  Finest Table Cracker ever.  (haha).  I want to offer her a piece of cheese, just so I can say, "Cracker, would you like some cheese?"  We give her a pig's ear to eat, which she loves and we try to get her to join Tilly in the pool for a swim.  She won't get in though.  Maybe somebody has warned her about soggy crackers!  teeheeteehee

Finally Cracker's Mom, er owner calls on the phone, all frantic and out of breath.  

"Oh my husband and children are driving all over looking for Cracker!"  and I wanted to say, "Well maybe you should just look in your pantry", hardeeharhar, but I recognize her level of strife and shut my mouth.

Papa Cracker shows up in his Texas issued BIG MANLY pickup truck complete with all 3 children inside.  He is nice and grateful and says, "Cracker is so well trained and has NEVER left the yard like this before." (and I'm thinking, well she's never met the dog whisperer before, now HAS SHE?" )  and he proceeds, saying, that the whole family was panicked and the kids have been crying nonstop and they've been driving around frantically searching for Cracker and they are all like, "We'll NEVER stop looking for Cracker."  And the kids begin pouring out of the truck with red swollen eyes and embracing Cracker like she's been gone for 10 years.  And boy do I feel bad.  This really isn't the best way to meet new neighbors, I decide... them thinking I'm a Cracker Jacker and all.

But, I tell you, it's not my fault.  The dogs and the retarded folk just follow me.  I just need to figure out what to do with my gifts.  It isn't easy being me.

p.s. see the cracker jack guy?  He's got a dog in front of him!

Now, in honor of the SWEET dog named CRACKER, here is a recipe for you for

CHOCOLATE CARAMEL GRAHAM CRACKERS:

Ingredients 
Directions