A Hypochondriac's Salad Dressing
It's been said, or at least strongly hinted at, by members of my own family - that I am a bit of a hypochondriac. Isn't that rude? Hey, did you just sneeze WITHOUT covering your nose and mouth? Hold please, while I get the antibacterial gel and slather it on head to toe. Now, where were we? Oh yeah. Well, maybe I am a little. I prefer to think of it as being careful. Ok, if I were a camel, then this would be me:
I have been dealing with weird symptoms over the past year or so and maybe it's all part of getting older but I do tend to lie awake at night and worry about it all and preplan my funeral and little things like that...nothing out of the ordinary you see. But you can't blame me, because all in the space of a few months, my Dad got really ill and spent 45 days in the hospital, my dog died suddenly from a brain tumor, and my Father-In-Law had to have surgery on his lungs. So, that would make anyone freaky right? Or is it really just me?
So I did what every normal hypochondriac (and if you look out your rear window folks, you will see an oxymoron) does when faced with weirdy symptoms - I googled them. Well that was a bad idea. According to my fastidious research, I have not just one, but MANY fatal diseases and probably only mere weeks left to live out my life. Dang it.
But on the upside, I did find some really interesting remedies that I have been following religiously in the event that I make it to next Tuesday.
#1 I am doing shots of apple cider vinegar 3x a day. I simply don't have time to fill you in on all of the benefits this will have for me, but suffice it to say that I should be 100% cured of everything and modeling swimwear by June.
#2 I am gargling/swishing with Sesame Oil 3x a day in what is known as "Oil Pulling" which is very odd but again, I am promised that in doing so I will be curing everything from cancer to the common cold AND my teeth will be whiter - BONUS!!!! Google it up. Go ahead.
So, basically I am creating a salad dressing in my mouth. Paul Newman's got nothing on me. Except for the longevity thing.
In honor of our former home state here is a recipe for Carolina Coleslaw, which is WAY better than that gooey
mayo-naissey crap you yankees make. Feel free to make the dressing in your mouth.
| CAROLINA COLE SLAW | |
1 lg. cabbage 1 lg. green pepper 1 lg. onion DRESSING: 1/2 c. sugar 1/2 c. salad oil 1 c. apple cider vinegar 2 tsp. salt 1 tsp. dry mustard 1 tsp. celery salt Cut cabbage, bell pepper and onion fine. Cut with a sharp knife. Mix sugar, salt, dry mustard and celery salt in saucepan. Add vinegar and oil. Let come to boil over medium heat, stirring until sugar is dissolved - pour over cabbage mixture - toss well. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. Keeps 2-3 weeks in refrigerator. | |
funniest... i guffawed out loud. i have decided i am MOST jealous of your backyard set up. i am moving to a foreign land once the last damn kid crosses the graduation platform.....
i, too, need a fresh happy start somewhere. sounds sublime.
you and carly waffa (the kid, not mother) are big cider vinegar drinkers. she does hers solely to be anorexic. I'm glad to know she is curing things in her quest to be thin.
gave CCC on Fountain Ridge this glorious address...she loves it as much as me.
come back, i miss you. xxx
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Outstanding funny.GREAT!
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